Punctuation 'R' Easy

Re-read a Dave Barry book i had, and thats the title of this particular column. Also edited the thing to save space. Dedicated to people who need some humour to forget the stress of exams and assignments.

Q. What are the rules regarding capital letters?
A. Capital letters are used in 3 grammatical situations.
1. At the beginning of proper and formal nouns. Examples: Capitalise "Queen", "Tea Party," and "Rental Tuxedo". DO NOT capitalise "dude", "cha-cha," or "boogerhead".
2. To indicate a situation of great military importance. Example: "Get on the TELSAT and tell STAFCON that COMWIMP wants some BBQ ASAP".
3. To indicate that the subject of the sentence has been bitten by a badger. Example: "I'll just stick my hand in here and OUCH!".

Q. Please explain the expression: "This does not bode well."
A. It means that something is not boding the way it should. It could be boding better.

Q. Please explain the correct usage of "exact same".
A. "Exact same" is a corpusular phrase that should be used only when something is exactly the same as something It is the opposite (or "antibody") of "a whole nother". Example: "This is the exact same restaurant where Alma found weevils in her pie. They gave her a whole nother slice".

Q. Where should punctuation go?
A. It depends on the content.
Example: Hi Mr Johnson exclaimed Bob Where do you want me to put these punctuation marks Oh just stick them there at the end of the following sentence answered Mr Johnson OK said Bob ".!"."?"",,".."!".
The exception is teenagers, who should place a question mark after every few words to make sure people are still listening.
Example: "So there's this kid at school? Named Derrick? And he's like kind of weird? Like he has a picture of Newt Grinch carved in his hair? So one day he had to blow his nose? Like really bad? But he didnt have a tissue? So he was like sitting next to Tracy Steakle? And she had this sweater? By like Ralph Lauren? So Derrick takes the sleeve? And he like..."