A Grown Up Child's Wish

I recently got forwarded this powerpoint presentation called a Parent's Wish; wonder how many of you have seen it. It is basically a 'poignant' (as quoted by the email given me) reminder of how parents' want to be understood by their children. I thus must quote that the home page states clearly that "Recommended viewing for children whose parents suffer from old age diseases (parkinsons, alzheimers, dementia)"

Having said that, i feel that although i dont have parents that suffer from the above degenerative diseases, i think children my age of any parents deserve to have a powerpoint presentation of our own. In it, i will refute some of the common arguments put forth by parents on how their children do not understand them. I am not saying that all parents are bad and all 20 year olds are filial; i am just saying that the condition where one side is right & the other wrong is outdated and should be reviewed. Both parties should review the goals that they want during this time where children grow into adults and have their own mindsets. The parents want to be understood and know that they are still valued. This latter point is clearly showcased in the powerpoint with the first couple of slides taking a somewhat accusatory position of the parents.

It states that children should have patience and try to understand their parents and children should remember how parents had to keep dressing and feeding their kids. Similarly, just as parents read the same story countless times over and over again to their kids, it is akin to how they keep repeating their same sentences (nagging).

I guess a lot of people will go into the cyclical argument of when our parents were teenagers they probably did the same thing and were impatient with their own parents. That may well be true but again we degenerate into a who is better than the other type of argument that cannot be proven and makes the situation worse. Obviously, if you think carefully about the parallels drawn in the presentation, the argument is no doubt flawed. Parallels often are, thats why they are analogies and should be thought over. Reading a book to a child is infinitely different qualitatively compared to repeating instructions to adults. For one, the child is fascinated every time the repetition is made; thats why he/she wants to be read to again. The adult if nagged at shows obvious distate/ irritation hence the unhappiness expressed in the ppt.

I propose this: The adult does not like the child (possibly grown up) to be unhappy about repetition cos old ppl tend to be forgetful or care about their children and thats why they repeat certain things. Fair enough; but this has to work both ways. The child now obviously understands and in all likelihood would have carried out the instruction already. The compromise would then be for children to explain/speak NICELY that yes, 1. They have done the deed or/and 2. They have been told before.

Parents (obviously this ppt was made for Alz who would more likely forget) should then 1. acknowledge WITHOUT getting upset that their children understand the request and 2. Not be offended to be pointed out that they have indeed repeated this instruction many times. In essence, this is understanding that people do get frustrated when told the same thing many times; this indication of repetition is not an insult to who the parents, their character, or how well they have raised their kids.

Both parties now reach their own separate goals, the parents are valued for their opinion and although it has been repeated the child can state that in a no-anger sort of way allowing the parent to be more aware that this instruction need not be re-directed. Obviously with Alz this is harder but then as a disease, the children should train to be more patient, just like you wont begrudge an Asthmatic his/her inhaler.

I apologise for taking this ppt out of context as it is made for a more medical audience in mind but i would continue tomorrow with some dissection on common misconceptions about grown-up children and their parents attitudes towards one another. Also, some debate on how best to solve such misconceptions as evidenced from other ppl's personal experiences would be helpful.